I don’t get along with my sister-in-law. Should I try to address the dynamic?

There are two things to consider, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Are you hurt by the way she treats you or the way she sees you?

I don’t get along with my sister-in-law. Should I try to address the dynamic?

TL;DR

  • The dynamic with a sister-in-law can be challenging due to a mix of family expectation and guest status.
  • The sister-in-law exhibits a pattern of sharp corrections and dismissive behavior, which may be rooted in jealousy, insecurity, or dislike.
  • The response strategy should depend on whether the primary concern is changing the sister-in-law's behavior or her perception of the writer.
  • Changing behavior might involve making it socially expensive or having a direct conversation, but this could reinforce negative perceptions.
  • Improving the perception of the sister-in-law may require focusing on one-on-one interactions away from an audience.
  • The desired outcome – respectful guest treatment versus deeper familial connection – will shape the approach.

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